"Up Is Down" Proclaims Ministry of Truth

LONDON, Oceania (DWN)

In breaking news the Ministry of Truth has announced that contrary to popular belief Up is actually Down. 

"We all have a little adjusting to do," admitted Marco Orvel, Chairman of the Ministry of Truth, "People have been living a lie for years and it may take a little while to get used to the new world we find ourselves in. A Brave New World one might say if one wished to coin a phrase." said Mr. Orvel before maniacally cackling to himself for a moment.

Early public response to the groundbreaking story was somewhat limited. Local Prole Eugene Smith in fact didn't have any reaction. "I thought up was already down," Smith said, "But it's good that the media has cleared that up to avoid confusion. Down with Eastasia."

Chairman Orvel said that this discovery was the result of decades of research and massive government funding. "Originally we came to the conclusion that Up was Up which didn't make any sense at all," said Orvel, "But we went back to work with a completely new staff, the old ones were traitors you see, and we were finally, by the grace of Big Brother, able to achieve our goals. Up is Down. Up has always been down."

Orvel said the largest changes resulting from the new developments would be in the various slogans used in support of the government. "We'll have to correct each other for a while I imagine," said the Chairman, "But instead of saying 'down with Eastasia' we simply must remind one another that it is 'Up with Eastasia' that's just the way things must be said from now on." 

Orvel closed the conference by saying that Food Production had increased for the 15th consecutive quarter, Boot production was at an all-time high, Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia, Good is bad and Dane Cook is very funny.